My flesh, and the downcast of my spirit.

Its funny almost how my sin can effect my outlook on life. Its almost as if the whole be good and you'll feel good really works.

For a long time i would actually pray for guilt because i felt like i wasn't feeling bad enough about my sin. I hoped that if i could feel guilty enough i wouldn't do the things i wanted to do that were wrong.

I tried to rely on my guilt and my emotional reaction towards my sin to try and spur myself away from my sin. This isn't what God wants from me. It shows no trust and reliance on Him.

Its not always enough to know conviction, but at the same time its not always enough to feel it either. It really comes down to how I rely on God, and accepting what i have to sacrifice in order to do it.

Its clear that guilt is not what makes me better, but the Holy Spirit. Its not my striving, because that just doesn't ever work, but my giving over control of my spiritual growth to God.

So that, is what i want. Its scary though, something i have always feared.

Giving control to God..."Whats he gonna do to me?", "What will i have to do?", "He's gonna make me do something i don't want to!", all common objections of mine towards the control of God.

So I have to force myself to move, to say, to accept. Its a terrible feeling, but God is calling me to do it. I just hope that it is nicer on the other side...

Something tells me that it will...

The Sun and the Moon

I want to see both worlds as one.


Is there a physical world free of the spiritual and a spiritual world free of the physical?