When it comes to girls...

...listening to God can become be so hard...

I don't ever think i can trust my perception of what God wants when i have crush on a girl or i'm trying to figure out what to do with a relationship.

I get quite afraid of God's anwser when i ask about that stuff, because i just don't want Him to say no...ha! I'm becoming impatient about finding a help/worshipmate and i'm only 18! I guess that is where i need to learn to wait on God.

So dealing with this has gotten me thinking about marriage and the union of a man and a woman. I'm not talking sexual, or civil unions but spiritual. Though spiritual union bleeds into both i think that one of the most wonderful things about marriage is worshiping God together. I can't wait to worship God alongside my wife. efrgdkfmngkirsg! It just gets me stoked.

Its something about having your relationship so centered around Jesus that makes me excited.

I find myself becoming more attrachted to a woman's relationship with God and character than her looks. Now, looks are great sure, but i guess i just can't connect with a girl unless she is connected with Christ. I'm not looking for perfection, but for intention. I want a girl that DESIRES to be close to God.

The Passion, His Passion, My passion and Our Passion

I read something interesting on my dad's blog(splashingthoughts.blogspot.com) that i thought was interesting.

Passion is love beyond circumstance and change, more over Passion exists even in times where there are negativities pitted against it.

It dawn on me that is what "The Passion" means. Or, at least in some respect it does.

Christ, being human had His struggles with baring the cross. I think He may have even doubts that God was still with Him ("Why have you forsaken me?"). Now i won't claim that one to be true, i have not explored it enough. But i do think its obvious that Jesus found Himself running into walls along His way to the cross.

But, He was passionate about His father's will. His commitment was beyond mere enjoyment or entertainment. We all know what that looks like right? Its the friend that plays with the Jesus thing for awhile and then abandons Him when it gets tough, or Jesus doesn't do what that person wishes He would do. They would have said before that they loved Jesus, but now they may even hate Him.

That situation alludes to another problem in our culture; has to how we view the true meaning of love, but not now.

I would say that the friend was probably honestly connected with God, that he or she did taste God, but under-estimated the cost and the investment of really LOVING and being PASSIONATE about Jesus. I have many friend such as this, and my hurt burns for them to become passionate about Christ. And I think they still will. I do not think God gives up on us, that he will chase us until we say yes.

Real love and passion goes beyond hardships, even to the point of rejoicing in them. I have learned a hard lesson in rejoicing in hardships, but what i have come to understand how the apostles could rejoice while in jail or while being stoned. Because they were passionate about following Jesus. Thats how in love they were with Him, and thats how in love i want to be.

But it starts with a choice often, a choice to seek hard and farther than before. It is comes when you choose to follow even in tough times. Then God will lead you out of the dryland and into a valley rich with love. There on the other side you find yourself becoming more and more passionate.

So let us be passionate about the One who is passionate about us!

Who Do You Choose?

In the not so eternal period of time to choose who you follow.

You have two options. There are not any more.

You can have the world and all it has to offer; immediate pleasure, happiness, sex, indulgence, absurdity, despair, lust, disease, instablity, darkness, and the ever inescapable feeling that everything you are doing is killing you and those you love and has no purpose.

Or

You can Follow Christ. And enter a world of many of the same pains, but with the immeasurable love that conquers and drives out all fear and despair, and the intimate rapture of love with the God that created you.

Everything in this world is fleeting, certain destruction awaits prefer the world and what it has to offer i hope you can find peace in that, because I have not been able to, nor do i think many have.

Take My World Apart

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love,
To give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
More deeply than the oceans,
More abundant than the tear
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

And I pray,
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
And wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remains
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
The battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
And wash the feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak,
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
The sin and soaked heart and make it yours
Take my world all apart
Take it now, take it now
And serve the ones that I despise
Speak the words I can't deny
Watch the world I used to love
Fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
So wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
So steal my heart and take the pain
Take the selfish, take the weak
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
Take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
Take my world apart

ME?

I dig my own grave. I need to learn when to distance myself.

Its just really hard when you feel so strongly about someone and something.

Christ is in control. Not me. I am nothing, You are everything.

ok...

Ok blogger you are now my one and only.

My heart hurts.

Remind me again, who is charge here?

Not me. Right now there are so many things that have me torn. These things hurt.

And I want so bad to try and fix them. It feels like if they don't get fixed its my fault, like its my responsibility alone to "fix" the issues that are bringing me pain right now.

This pain is not a pain coming from me, but through for those I love. It almost feels worse that way though, because if it were me i wouldn't feel so helpless in my actions.

Then there is Him. He reminds me that i'm not calling the shots. That He will work all things for the good of those who love Him. That includes all things. I only need to be obedient and pray.

I had never thought of pleading with my Father for solutions before. I would always feel that it was my job to make things right or make them work, but its not. its my job to trust and obey God. He will take care of things in His own time.

I still have a deep pain for my friends, it stings like few things do. But I remember peace when God reminds me to pray and to give control over to Him.

Its so much easier to bare this burden.

I love You, and you.

Sssh... Gods talking...

I'm am not in control. I am dependent. Nothing is mine. Everything i have is His. Those I care about are His too. He is in control. My plans are frail. His plans are strong.

I do not exist. Only You exist.


Any existence I have it from You and is Yours.

Welcome to Tepee In The Woods Church!

We found a sweet tepee out in the woods today at school and proceeded to hang out there for like 3 hours.

I also kinda got this word about it. Weird huh? I haven't really comfirmed it yet, but i really like the idea of meeting there for church/bible study.
I really feel a call to doing something to help those who are seeking find what their looking for in God, and maybe this is the way God wants me to do it...

Pray with me about this, and let me know if it is comfirmed in you.

Thanks,

Life's big decisions...

Life is full of them. The biggest and most important i think is by far your choice to follow Christ or not to.

I can think of nothing else that effect things on so many levels.

I have had to make and remake these decisions many times in my life. Through them i've realized an aspect of following Jesus i hadn't before.

Persistence and perseverance.

Before i tried them my faith was completely based on how i felt about God at the time or what I had received from God. If what God was giving me was not received by me or understood be me i fell. My faith was based on my consumption and emotional connection.

But there is more to being in relationship with God than emotional reactions and connection. While they are good in themselves they are not meant to be relied on.

This is were a high respect for basic truth comes into play. I may not feel that God exists, but that does not mean He does not. I don't feel that God is speaking, doesn't mean He isn't.

I don't believe God ever stops speaking. I do think thought that He gets quieter. He is not always in the quake, storm, or fire. Often he is only in the whisper, but there none the less. The voice of God can be alot of things, even thing we don't think could be.

It is these times i think God gives us to build our faith and reliance on Him. Yes, I believe God GIVES us dry times.

It seemed crazy when i thought about it while i was in the dry time. That God would send me here on purpose. How is me feeling disconnected growing me at all?

I learned more then than ever before.

I was forced to put my trust and well being on the line in faith that God was truly there.

And He was.

Even though i would be gripped by fear that i had lost interest in God, I knew that i had to press through. Thats the point; that you press on towards God. He knows your desires, He is not a mean father.

So when the valley comes will you choose to live in apathy and discontent or press through? I promise that milk and honey on this side isn't sour like it is on the other side.

King Without A Crown

Thats what Jesus was. He had no earthly crown or beauty to attract us to Him.

This puzzled me for awhile. Why would Jesus come as a normal man and not a King and conqueror?

He came to save. Kings judge, and judgement time had not yet come, though he did speak of a day when he was come as a king for judgement.

He came as a servant, a servant of God. So he took the place of a servant and served. It is a paradox of sort where God uses the weakest of all to do the greatest work of all. Here God Himself became weak and lowly to do the greatest work in history.

If Christ came as a King he would have to apply justice, and if it weren't for Christ not coming as a King we would not be able to come to the father.

Exactly why God chooses this method i do not completely know, it seems to just be apart of His very nature. Doing the impossible.


I also find it very interesting how Jesus, after healing people, would tell them not to tell anyone. This sounds like the very oppsite of what you would expect of someone coming to save people. Why would Jesus hide?

This was one the topics i addressed in my first(and only as of yet) sermon. It was a mystery even up to the studying i did for it.

I unearthed what i believe to be one of the reasons perhaps the main one.

It comes from the political atmosphere of the time and area. The Hebrews were trying to get out from under Roman rule. There were militias and uprisings here and there and riot was always a threat to the peace. The jews thought that this might be the time that the Messiah would come and would free them from Roman rule and establish His Kingdom as Israel.

Think how shocked the disciples must have been when they began to discover that Jesus was the Messiah but DID NOT come to throw off Roman rule!

I think Jesus did not want the people to mistake what was happening and miss the point of His coming. Many Jews wanted to crown Him king and use Him to defeat the Romans, but Jesus knew this was what they wanted. So he avoided it. I think certainly to get the point across that His Kingdom was not political or physical at all.

Jesus was not a social revolionary. His words and life were revolutionary of course, He changed the very course of history and our lives, but He did not come to change the ruling class or begin a utopia.

His mission was far deeper than politics or social change. It met the very heart of men where all evil begins. He met the gap between creator and created, between loved and lover, between God and man.

That was His mission. To bring us life and to defeat death, taking the punishment that was due to us and giving us His pure life.

Thereby restoring what was destoryed, repairing the connection, bridging the gap of between lovers, Jesus did the impossible and unpredicted.

Now the day is soon at hand when Christ shall return as the King that He is and judgment will befall us all. Those who are in Christ Jesus have been made clean and owe no debt, but those who have rejected Christ will pay the debt they owe.

Come, Lord Jesus Come. Amen.

Punk and Christianity.

I was reading some I Object lyrics today and actually found a song i didn't really like and it made me think.

The song was about seeing pro-life signs and what not and how she doesn't want to see them because she thinks those people can't speak for those who have had abortions.

Which may or may not be true since many people in the pro life fight are abortion survivors themselves. But thats not the point. The point is that she didn't want to SEE it. As if the pro lifers didn't have the right to voice there opinions the same as she does.

That then lead me to Christian bands in the punk scene and voicing their opinions. I've seen it many times before. Christians getting wailed on for voicing their belief's while other bands can talk about whatever they want and get nothing(cept for maybe hasling for talking at all).

Its a real double standard. If you can talk, I can too without getting murdered for it.
You talk about satanism and i don't hang you for it.

Girls Girls Girls!

Man, girls. I didn't think it would be this difficult of an adventure...

Double guessing yourself sucks, but thats human right? I'm hoping i hear the voice of God, maybe i already have. Its just hard to tell the difference between His and mine when i comes to things like...you know life.

Something tells me thats it was God...But, its gonna be awhile to t comes around in that case and i don't think its gonna be pretty getting there.

Black Friday

I've never really liked Black Friday.

A day where we boost the self-esteem of some of the worst companies in the world, just to get "good" deals.

I recently went to a mall (shocking huh?), and walked around mostly. I observed people shopping, hanging out, and and "looking". It reminded me o something my little brother said about his realization of what happens at the mall; "People go to the mal just to walk around?!". I've never been prouder of him than at that moment...He didn't understand what modern america did for entertainment.

We go to the mall to be entertained by what we can buy! Even in my own life i find myself going somewhere just to SEE what i could possibly (well...) buy. Judging by the amount of people i know that do go to the mall to just to look at things i think i'm observing a very scary trend...

We no longer entertain ourselves with an experience of something fulfulling but, feed off of what we can't have.

We entertain ourselves with he desire to have more...It feels like a type of lust to me. America entertains itself with lust! We read magazines, go to stores, search the internet for things possible to buy!

How does God say we should entertain ourselves?

Well, I'm pretty sure its not lusting after what we could buy. We see large holidays for fellowship, consumsion and joyful experience. It had to do with what we do/did and actually being in the experience. Music is a wonderul avenue because you are experiencing and creating, something i believe God gave us for entertainment.

How much do you entertain yourself with things you could buy rather than an actual experience of something good?

My flesh, and the downcast of my spirit.

Its funny almost how my sin can effect my outlook on life. Its almost as if the whole be good and you'll feel good really works.

For a long time i would actually pray for guilt because i felt like i wasn't feeling bad enough about my sin. I hoped that if i could feel guilty enough i wouldn't do the things i wanted to do that were wrong.

I tried to rely on my guilt and my emotional reaction towards my sin to try and spur myself away from my sin. This isn't what God wants from me. It shows no trust and reliance on Him.

Its not always enough to know conviction, but at the same time its not always enough to feel it either. It really comes down to how I rely on God, and accepting what i have to sacrifice in order to do it.

Its clear that guilt is not what makes me better, but the Holy Spirit. Its not my striving, because that just doesn't ever work, but my giving over control of my spiritual growth to God.

So that, is what i want. Its scary though, something i have always feared.

Giving control to God..."Whats he gonna do to me?", "What will i have to do?", "He's gonna make me do something i don't want to!", all common objections of mine towards the control of God.

So I have to force myself to move, to say, to accept. Its a terrible feeling, but God is calling me to do it. I just hope that it is nicer on the other side...

Something tells me that it will...

The Sun and the Moon

I want to see both worlds as one.


Is there a physical world free of the spiritual and a spiritual world free of the physical?

First of many destructive thoughts....

Ok, lets see if i can keep this up. The internet is loosing its luster, but maybe very well so.

I'll come up with a topic to right about soon.