Home, Sweet Home...

Well, i'm back from Kansas City. Ihop was wonderful. I'm still praying about going, and interning.


There have been things that have lingered with me through and after the conference...

.The Holy Spirit in His infiinte wisedom didn't choose to touch me with power like i had hoped... But He told me something, something very important.

"I will sustain you" And "I love you, Joshua".

Those two things among a few other words did i come away with really struck me.

I keep looking for these deep experiences to maintain my fatih in God, but God isn't doing that, even though he has before. He wants me to be faithful and waiting for Him. Not demanding, and not living for the next spiritual rush. My faith and true faith i think goes so far beyond rushing experiences and feelings. I must choose to follow Christ everyday, and if He decides to give me those Holy Spirit moments I accept them and rejoice the same. It was really wearing me down that God wasn't giving me anything for the first couple days, but then i had to dial down and reexamine my motives. My job is to give God glory and love Him with all my heart. He, in His love, will do what is needed. My trust has to come without God giving me every little desire right away.


I have always understood God's love to be static and a bit boring. Always, thinking God loved me sort of like a grandfather loves His grandchilren. But a new idea has seemed to arise... That God loves me like one loves his wife. That i am caught up in a romance with God. That God is truely in love with what His Father created. I still do not understand all that is to be known about this but i am dedicated to knowing it fully.

I beginning to desire prayer. To be in a constant state of prayer, to intercede of behalf of my family, friends, community, and world. Even though God chooses what to do with everything i offer Him, He still wants me to give it to Him as an offering.


I just want to be with my Father, my Lover and Creator. And to know each of those parts of God to the fullest.


That might take awhile....