When it comes to girls...

...listening to God can become be so hard...

I don't ever think i can trust my perception of what God wants when i have crush on a girl or i'm trying to figure out what to do with a relationship.

I get quite afraid of God's anwser when i ask about that stuff, because i just don't want Him to say no...ha! I'm becoming impatient about finding a help/worshipmate and i'm only 18! I guess that is where i need to learn to wait on God.

So dealing with this has gotten me thinking about marriage and the union of a man and a woman. I'm not talking sexual, or civil unions but spiritual. Though spiritual union bleeds into both i think that one of the most wonderful things about marriage is worshiping God together. I can't wait to worship God alongside my wife. efrgdkfmngkirsg! It just gets me stoked.

Its something about having your relationship so centered around Jesus that makes me excited.

I find myself becoming more attrachted to a woman's relationship with God and character than her looks. Now, looks are great sure, but i guess i just can't connect with a girl unless she is connected with Christ. I'm not looking for perfection, but for intention. I want a girl that DESIRES to be close to God.

The Passion, His Passion, My passion and Our Passion

I read something interesting on my dad's blog(splashingthoughts.blogspot.com) that i thought was interesting.

Passion is love beyond circumstance and change, more over Passion exists even in times where there are negativities pitted against it.

It dawn on me that is what "The Passion" means. Or, at least in some respect it does.

Christ, being human had His struggles with baring the cross. I think He may have even doubts that God was still with Him ("Why have you forsaken me?"). Now i won't claim that one to be true, i have not explored it enough. But i do think its obvious that Jesus found Himself running into walls along His way to the cross.

But, He was passionate about His father's will. His commitment was beyond mere enjoyment or entertainment. We all know what that looks like right? Its the friend that plays with the Jesus thing for awhile and then abandons Him when it gets tough, or Jesus doesn't do what that person wishes He would do. They would have said before that they loved Jesus, but now they may even hate Him.

That situation alludes to another problem in our culture; has to how we view the true meaning of love, but not now.

I would say that the friend was probably honestly connected with God, that he or she did taste God, but under-estimated the cost and the investment of really LOVING and being PASSIONATE about Jesus. I have many friend such as this, and my hurt burns for them to become passionate about Christ. And I think they still will. I do not think God gives up on us, that he will chase us until we say yes.

Real love and passion goes beyond hardships, even to the point of rejoicing in them. I have learned a hard lesson in rejoicing in hardships, but what i have come to understand how the apostles could rejoice while in jail or while being stoned. Because they were passionate about following Jesus. Thats how in love they were with Him, and thats how in love i want to be.

But it starts with a choice often, a choice to seek hard and farther than before. It is comes when you choose to follow even in tough times. Then God will lead you out of the dryland and into a valley rich with love. There on the other side you find yourself becoming more and more passionate.

So let us be passionate about the One who is passionate about us!

Who Do You Choose?

In the not so eternal period of time to choose who you follow.

You have two options. There are not any more.

You can have the world and all it has to offer; immediate pleasure, happiness, sex, indulgence, absurdity, despair, lust, disease, instablity, darkness, and the ever inescapable feeling that everything you are doing is killing you and those you love and has no purpose.

Or

You can Follow Christ. And enter a world of many of the same pains, but with the immeasurable love that conquers and drives out all fear and despair, and the intimate rapture of love with the God that created you.

Everything in this world is fleeting, certain destruction awaits prefer the world and what it has to offer i hope you can find peace in that, because I have not been able to, nor do i think many have.

Take My World Apart

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love,
To give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
More deeply than the oceans,
More abundant than the tear
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

And I pray,
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
And wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remains
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
The battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
And wash the feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak,
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
The sin and soaked heart and make it yours
Take my world all apart
Take it now, take it now
And serve the ones that I despise
Speak the words I can't deny
Watch the world I used to love
Fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
So wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
So steal my heart and take the pain
Take the selfish, take the weak
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
Take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
Take my world apart

ME?

I dig my own grave. I need to learn when to distance myself.

Its just really hard when you feel so strongly about someone and something.

Christ is in control. Not me. I am nothing, You are everything.

ok...

Ok blogger you are now my one and only.

My heart hurts.

Remind me again, who is charge here?

Not me. Right now there are so many things that have me torn. These things hurt.

And I want so bad to try and fix them. It feels like if they don't get fixed its my fault, like its my responsibility alone to "fix" the issues that are bringing me pain right now.

This pain is not a pain coming from me, but through for those I love. It almost feels worse that way though, because if it were me i wouldn't feel so helpless in my actions.

Then there is Him. He reminds me that i'm not calling the shots. That He will work all things for the good of those who love Him. That includes all things. I only need to be obedient and pray.

I had never thought of pleading with my Father for solutions before. I would always feel that it was my job to make things right or make them work, but its not. its my job to trust and obey God. He will take care of things in His own time.

I still have a deep pain for my friends, it stings like few things do. But I remember peace when God reminds me to pray and to give control over to Him.

Its so much easier to bare this burden.

I love You, and you.

Sssh... Gods talking...

I'm am not in control. I am dependent. Nothing is mine. Everything i have is His. Those I care about are His too. He is in control. My plans are frail. His plans are strong.

I do not exist. Only You exist.


Any existence I have it from You and is Yours.