The end of a terrible semester.

So here we are. At the dead end of the semester. Two more days of pure torture. I made a huge mistake taking the classes i did. My grades will suffer, but i'm beyond the point of caring. I'd rather just get into next semester with a clean slate and actually enjoy classes.

As i'm writing this a pile of work is not getting done. I should get it done. I will i think, but i feel the need to express ma' self.

A goof friend of mine today was asking what i was doing after this part of my school was done. I didn't know what to tell him, not because i don't know, but because i was afraid he wouldn't understand. So i kind of embellished my story. Said nothing untrue, but just didn't mention the idea of getting a bus and taking my punk band around the country being the prophetic voice of the Coming Kingdom in the punk scene. It doesn't sound like the most honorable plan to many, even more when i tell them i'm taking a year off.

I feel like i'm being looked down upon and frowned upon because i haven't completed my schooling and i'm off doing things that look meaningless. Surely i enjoy those things, but very much understand the need for a purpose and work. I want more than anything to do something that means something. thats why i have a hard time at school. To me it seems point (though it's probably not), but in the end i feel like i could be doing soooo many other things that have eternal value. Unlike learning about art history and the square root of a negative one.


I live to be a witness to the Reality and urgency of the Christ Jesus. The God who is and is to come. The mighty and true, the compassionate and loving saviour. The God of the universe. And the God that i fail day in and day out. The God who talk about but come out short in my actions, the God who i am not worthy of being loved by, not worthy of the gifts i'm given, not worthy of praising. Its quite daunting a thing to be in relationship with this God. Though, i have found it more rewarding than anything to be known, it is still a struggle. My flesh wants anything not to do with this God, but my heart, soul and mind know that i love Him.

I don't not believe it a describable to communicate the worth of Yahweh. It is beyond me at the very least. Sheer and pure holiness doesn't translate well from the mouth of the chief of sinners.


I need God to disipline me daily, for i am slow to learn and quick to deny.